Stephanie - Mornington Peninsula, VIC / Bunurong Country
"Don't be afraid to do something a bit radical and a bit different. Be a rebel."
The tables have turned and it’s me, your host Stephanie, in the hot seat. Helping me tell my story is the tech-side of this operation, my husband Daniel. For those who have listened to this podcast for some time you may have pieced parts of my story together over previous episodes, but I’m sitting down to share it all in what will be the final episode of Season Three.
This is episode 34 of the Australian Homeschool Stories podcast - Stephanie’s Story:
Summary:
Our family live on the Mornington Peninsula, Bunurong Country, in a sleepy little country town beside the sea. We left our Melbourne roots when I turned 30 to pursue a slower, simpler life and to raise our kids immersed in the natural world. We live in a small house on a 1/4 acre block, which is predominately a large edible garden that we share with our chooks. We hope to care for this little piece of land forever.
“One of my favourite things about living on the Peninsula is what I call our green commute. Whenever we have to get in the car and drive anywhere, the way that we get to arrive at these destinations is via the most beautiful scenic drives. Growing up in suburbia in Melbourne and living in the inner city when we were young adults, it just felt like traffic and advertising and concrete. Whereas here we have the complete opposite. We have miles of pine trees, gum trees and acacias and the incredible ecological systems around us that we get to admire and be a part of and live within.”
I had a fairly typical, carefree 90s childhood, spent running around the streets with the neighbourhood kids. At primary school my fondest and most vivid memories are of spending recess and lunch up trees with my friends, deep in imaginary play. Despite an early existential moment about the mundanity of school, it wasn’t until I began high school that I started to really push back against the system.
“I remember being utterly bored by the curriculum. I found it so dry and boring and I would spend my lessons, completely disengaged. The teacher would be talking and I would be looking up and nodding, but at the same time I'm writing letters to my friends, writing letters all class long just to put in my friends lockers so we could swap letters. That was my day at school. It was all about the social side. What the teachers were saying was of little to no interest of me.”
I have always been a little bit of a rebel at heart and I picked up that stick with a vengeance in those early teen years because I didn't like school.
“My parents worked really hard and sacrificed to get me into a private school (in year 9) and my school life turned around completely from then. I think what I'd been missing and what had been lacking in the public high school environment, the private school made up for. There was so much structure and rigour and I could sink my teeth into things that I was really passionate about.”
“When I turned 30 and we got married, I had another sort of turning point where I had burnt out and I wanted a change. I wanted us to start our family and I didn't want to be in Melbourne anymore. I didn't want to be in cities anymore. It had become really overwhelming for me. I had this longing to be out in nature, to be further away from the hustle and bustle, to get out of the rat race and just slow down our life.”
Even though I hadn't come across the idea of homeschooling until after we had our daughter, the roots of homeschooling had naturally been embedded into our lives unknowingly.
“Before we had kids, we were both adamant that we wouldn't put our kids in daycare. We wanted to raise our kids at home. No matter what, we wanted to raise our own kids rather than outsourcing their care so we could get back to a job or a career. For us, it was paramount that our family would come first above all. We always knew we were aligned on that. So that's where it started. We were at home. We were together.”
The irony of feeling pulled towards homeschooling on one hand whilst having our baby daughter on the waitlist for private high schools.
“While we always knew we wanted to raise our kids at home, we were also really adamant that we wanted our kids to have an amazing education and private school seemed like the natural thing we would lean towards having both gone through that ourselves… We want, like any parent, we just want the best for them. So to then start to think, hold on, is school actually what's best for our kids? Is school actually what's best for our family?”
Once the idea had taken hold in my heart, I began devouring anything and everything I could get my hands on to do with homeschooling. I dedicated years to deschooling myself through books, podcasts, and an array of different media, because the vision of what our lives could look like if we followed this path was so clear.
“I would listen to these podcasts while my daughter was napping, in my own world, imagining what this life could be. Thinking, we can do this. We can keep doing what we're doing forever. It doesn't have to change. They don't have to go somewhere else. They don't have to leave. Within me was this growing conviction that homeschooling felt so right. It felt like this is what we want. Both of us have always been striving and working towards, since we became parents, to have a home-based life.”
I had faith that if it meant enough to me, Dan would find his way to where I was too. But I knew it would take time, for him to even consider it, so I was patient but remained persistent. I knew if Dan read Free to Learn by
, it would change the way he thought about school, and to his credit he had really strong boundaries around being co-erced into deschooling.“He was like, ‘No, I'm not going to read that. I might read it, but I'm not going to read it now. I'm not willing to consider it.’ And I was like, fair enough. That's fine. We happened to be in the COVID lockdown years so we were all at home anyway, nothing else was happening. I remember feeling that that was okay. We've got time and I'll be patient. And if it really means that much to me, and I'm still adamant about this in six months, in twelve months time, I'll just slowly hold your hand and we'll walk the path together.”
When setting up our lives to adopt a homeschooling lifestyle we moved houses to a more affordable area with more outdoor space so our kids would be able to roam, we went from being a two car family to a one car family, and these descision all aligned with the vision we had for our future.
“Homeschooling, to us, is just another word for being together as a family and spending our lives together, in connection. It trumps everything. Everything else, work and careers, feeds off that. They have a lower rank. The most important thing for us has always been that we're together and we’re spending our days together as a family.”
On building community slowly and steadily as the years progress:
“It's pretty amazing going from knowing no one in this world to now feeling like I have a huge network of people that I can call close friends and I can call on for support, it feels amazing. But that came with time. You can't force community. Another thing to mention is starting slowly and making one friend, is really special… Take your time, is my advice in community, and go slow. You don't have to be friends with everyone straight up. Build your network of people that you really connect with over time.”
We have four tenets in our family that guide our days. They are art, music, books and nature. Community and food and are also hugely important. That's what I come back to. It’s what’s important to us.
“We are a super creative family. I would say we value creativity over almost everything else. Having space to play and imagine and create is really important to all four of us, not just the kids. It's something we try and leave room for in our lives. We try not to over-schedule ourselves so that we have room for creativity and downtime and rest and all the good stuff that you can't schedule.”
Steph outlines what their weekly rhythm looks like in this season of life.
“When we started out, when we were imagining what this life could look like for us and what it could be, we always said we didn't just want it to be me homeschooling the kids and you working. Our end goal is to share the load in everything equally and so we’ve just made a little minor shift towards this, where I've started to work a little bit more and you're getting more one-on-one time with the kids. It's so, oh my gosh, it is so beneficial. I say this to anyone listening, and especially to any burnt out mothers listening to this thinking I can’t do another day with just the kids and me, like this is full on, get the dads involved. I know that's easier said than done, but you bring a whole different energy and a whole different skillset and passion for things than I do. You can meet their needs in completely different ways than I can.”
The hardest thing about homeschooling is toddlers.
“Something I really love about homeschooling is our kids are pretty feral, but in a good way. They really know themselves and know what they want and are pretty good at expressing that. I guess what I'm saying is they're not wallflowers.
I look at them in their element and just think, gosh, you are living your best life. I'm so happy for you, that this is your life, that there are no restrictions on the way that you move your body, on the way that you speak and the way that you conduct yourselves and use your time.
They're so free. And I love, love, love just watching them and reminding myself that even when it's exhausting for me, that this is all going to be so worthwhile.”
“Follow your gut. I think that goes to all parenting decisions and choices. It's not just about education. Really listen to yourself, but also really listen to your kids. I think if you sense that they're struggling or that this isn't working for them, don't be afraid to do something a bit radical and a bit different. Be a rebel.”
Inspiration
Wild + Free instagram and podcast
Free to Learn by
Radical Homemakers by Shannon Hayes
How to Raise a Wild Child by Scott D Sampson
Down to Earth by Rhonda Hetzel
The Simple Life by Rhonda Hetzel
Hold Onto Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Mate
Retrosuburbia by David Holmgren
Connect
Substack -
Instagram - @splendidtobe
Food for thought
This podcast is recorded on the lands of the Bunurong people of the Kulin nation. I pay my respects to elders past, present and emerging and acknowledge that sovereignty was never ceded. This always was, always will be aboriginal land.
Original Music by Daniel Garrood @garroodcomposer
Listen on Spotify here
This is a good article. I was expecting more comments to be here. Anyway, that you for sharing, a lot of what you said I can relate too in terms of freedom for the children to be who they are.